wumpus

chokeanddie @ 2007-10-21T19:35:00

2007-10-21T23:37:11Z

i've lost almost thirty pounds? when did this happen?

thirty more and i'll be happy.

chokeanddie @ 2007-10-07T08:53:00

2007-10-07T12:55:38Z

Whatever it is you think you are you aren't:
A good friend, unique, well read, good looking, or smart.
Well, now you know.

Well I hate to be the one to bare such bad news,
I know it hurts to hear but it's true;
~~You don't mean anything to anyone but me.~~
And even I think that you're blinded by conceit
So now you know,
The free beer and basement shows don't mean what they did.
It's what you do, not who you were,
What you wear, where you've been.
So do something.

Whoever you think is watching you dance from across the room they aren't.
If anything they feel sorry for you because you try so hard.
I know it hurts to hear but it's the truth.
So you might as well hear it from a friend.
You're a has-been that never was.
And I know it's mean to say
But it's something I've been meaning to say to you for awhile.
You're a has-been that never was or will be.

chokeanddie @ 2007-08-09T15:32:00

2007-08-09T19:32:52Z

how much weight would you expect to lose in two months?

chokeanddie @ 2007-08-02T15:21:00

2007-08-02T19:23:08Z

should i be concerned when more than one person thinks my guinea pig is a dog?

chokeanddie @ 2007-07-06T19:09:00

2007-07-06T23:11:03Z

i gave in again.

chokeanddie @ 2007-04-07T12:59:00

2007-04-07T16:59:39Z

uh
sorry to anyone i offended last night
at least my phone isn't broken

chokeanddie @ 2007-03-14T17:39:00

2007-03-14T21:40:49Z

ohhhhh my family is going to hate me.

chokeanddie @ 2007-03-12T14:36:00

2007-03-12T18:38:25Z

my guinea pig gets his favorite, special "party mix" to eat when i have my favorite, special party guests over, such as this evening. he thanks you.

i just realized my last few entries have been about him. i guess he's pretty much my life. haha. that's not funny.

chokeanddie @ 2007-01-30T12:47:00

2007-01-30T17:53:25Z

he's lazy.

chokeanddie @ 2006-12-26T17:07:00

2006-12-26T21:07:06Z

i'm super excited for new year's. you have no idea. maybe the biggest mistake of a lifetime will turn out to be amazing.
with the money i made during christmas, i can't wait to go to canada too. outstanding.
now i get to be cranky; it kinda sucks that i'm usually the one that wants to/makes the plans to hang out with people yet i never get asked to hang out with those people unless i'm the one initiating it. boo. the only people that ever want to hang out with me are trever/thug life=scary. and jeremy=weird. i hate my life.

chokeanddie @ 2006-12-02T00:54:00

2006-12-02T04:54:44Z

tonight was probably one of the worst nights in the history of forever.
i'm going to do a shot and go to bed before more bad things happen.

chokeanddie @ 2006-11-27T05:19:00

2006-11-27T09:19:35Z

journal entries like this are the result of staying up this late. and having a brain like mine.

as much as i wish things were different, it's impossible to not still be in love with you. which kind of makes me hate you. if that makes sense at all.

i wish he still knew how i feel. i miss him terribly. terribly. terribly. he barely remembers anything about me, i bet. i want to still be able to talk to him about things. he says we're friends, but he doesn't mean it. it's like we never knew each other at all.

i really don't even know why i care. maybe because it was real. to me, at least.

i was doing pretty good about not freaking out about him... and then i read something that really made me want to throw up everything inside of me. he is more or less making my life miserable. and i'm loving every minute of it. i mean, i must be, right? i keep letting it happen. it's the same damn situation every time. i just never do anything about it except complain. see, the logical thing for me to do would be to forget about him and just let go. but i'm not going to. i just haven't figured out why yet.

emma's pretty much the only person who listens to me about it anymore. it's such a tired subject.

i can't stop listening to brand new and thinking. it's all i do, really. i can't turn my brain off. i can't stop thinking the worst about every situation. it's all habit now. i don't even bother with positives anymore.

i feel like i need a vacation. but a vacation from what? i don't have a hard life. i barely have a life at all. i just need a vacation from myself, i guess.

i don't know if i really need him or not. i guess i just want him back more than anything. what i really need is to have my friends back. i need my life back. life just seems so depressing these days. what depresses me more is that i have people in my life who are going through way worse things than a stupid ex-boyfriend, if you can even call him that. and i can't imagine how they handle it. it's not fair that people have to go through such awful things. i feel bad that my life is "ruined" because of this stupid boy who isn't worth all my wishing and praying. this is just the hardest thing i've been through. this is my problem, while for others it's... well, you know who you are.

my brain is crazy.

a favorite hobby of mine is to pick out everything that's wrong with me and dwell on it. i dwell on everything. i'm a dweller.

i cared too much. i still care too much. i wish this didn't matter to me. i'm so sick of this all already. it's been going on for months. it's exhausting me. honestly. it's like a poison. do they have medication for this?

i didn't mean to make you want to leave.

i see it now that the harder you try to hold on to something, the faster it slips through your fingers.

there are so many things i want to say to anyone who will listen, but it's pointless. i don't know how to say everything. and they won't care. he doesn't care. it's not a big deal to them or him. it's starting to not be a big deal to me. it's part of my life now.

as if i'm not crazy enough already, i'll end this entry before things get even more out of hand.

and end the madness with this: i want a pen pal like when we were younger.

edit:

this entry was a complete waste of time. i really don't feel the same way about you anymore. you're the scum of the earth to me now.

thank you to the mafia. mission you-know-what is still in effect. we'll make the game plan on friday. i love you all to pieces.

chokeanddie @ 2006-10-03T07:39:00

2006-10-03T11:42:04Z

mom - how do you feel about moving?
me - i don't really care. there's nothing here for me.
mom - we could be moving to florida.

i hope with all my heart it's going to happen.

chokeanddie @ 2006-09-27T18:17:00

2006-09-27T22:18:38Z

three (3) boys' phone numbers in one day?
i'm going to die tomorrow or something, aren't i?

chokeanddie @ 2006-09-02T18:15:00

2006-09-02T22:15:25Z

i know the majority of the people who read this are sick of me talking about "the situation." well, it's over and done with. it was wearing me down and wearing me out. so i just gave up on it and on him. i quit. next situation: why everyone only talks to me when they need something.

chokeanddie @ 2006-08-28T00:02:00

2006-08-28T04:03:58Z

it's mah birfday.

chokeanddie @ 2006-07-11T13:55:00

2006-07-11T17:55:57Z

i've been smeckledorfed.

chokeanddie @ 2006-07-07T17:06:00

2006-07-07T21:08:30Z

i watched the land before time for the first time in a long time today.
i cried harder than i probably should have.
what else is new?
looking at this past week, it's obvious i LOVE crying.
and having my boyfriend completely ignore me.
for an entire week.
cool.

sizzurp.

2006-05-02T17:19:41Z

"slumber party weekend?"

happy easter

2006-04-16T23:35:37Z

"stop! jesus time."
"happy easter. today, he is risen!"
"one shot for you and one for jesus."

| ^just some quotes from easter.^ |

why is every girl i know such a slutbag? seriously... gross. grow up.

happy birthday to my daddy.

talking to breanne about boys and my bad luck with them makes me feel better. plus, i already know that boys suck. emma kind of helps a lot too. since we like to pick on stupid/fat/ugly/skanky/gross/STD infected girls.

i have to stay away from every girl named katie. and, in meeting boys in the future, i will have to make sure they know no one named katie. there may be some exceptions.

if chris carrabba and hugh jackman had a baby, it'd be chris eidt. no doubt.

chokeanddie @ 2006-04-11T14:41:00

2006-04-11T18:42:11Z

has anyone been to new york city?

chokeanddie @ 2006-03-31T07:11:00

2006-03-31T12:13:03Z

brad and jen won that wedding contest, so thanks to sandy & emma, the only two i know who voted.

chokeanddie @ 2006-03-25T10:00:00

2006-03-25T14:58:16Z

no more stalking boys at chili's in that car. [b-ryan luv.]
no more eating fruit snacks off skewers in the AMC parking lot... in the trunk of that car.
no more getting pulled over for running red lights "just to see what would happen," in that car. [emma, how's your asthma?]
no more getting into accidents when i don't tell my parents where i'm going in that car.
no more making out with underage boys in that car (or chris'.)
no more rolling down the windows even though it's below freezing outside "jamming to some sweet jams" full blast in that car.
no more throwing jellybeans at people while driving in that car.
no more saying hi to creepy boys while driving in that car. ["turn the music down, i can't hear him!.... TURN IT BACK UP!"]
no more going to get italian sodas in that car. [sir, i'm balding. and you're keeping our garbage.]
no more driving to every fast-food restaurant on garfield in that car. ["where is it? let me guess, on garfield." or guy at taco bell - would you like to try a steak fajita? emma - NO!.... hello?]
no more crazy dancing at red lights while people stare at us.. and make their teenage sons stare at us.. in that car.
no more spilling italian sodas then asking nick for napkins while he tells me my car is "PURPLE" in a crazy accent in that car.
no more anything in that car.

trying to help bre out.

2006-03-24T17:25:37Z

can everyone please go to http://www.wfmj.com and click on the icon on the left that says 21WFMJ Wedding? vote for jennifer demko and brad smith.

brad is my brother kenny's girlfriend's brother... and if they win the contest they get their wedding paid for or something... so everyone vote for them! i know it's cheesy, but they need to have this done! you can only vote once per hour per computer until the 30th! dooooo ittttttttt.

[if you have any problems, let me know.]

chokeanddie @ 2006-03-21T09:45:00

2006-03-21T14:44:21Z

oh the things you do when you're medicated. [i like cake!!!=)]
ps - WILLY! asked me to move in with him. whaaaaaaaaat?! hot! three male roommates. i like boys.